Crisis, opportunity, blah blah blah

Shit.

Fuck.

Cunt.

Rejection.

Which is the worst of those words?  Rejection, of course, especially if the rejection in question is not from  a beautiful woman you want but in a faceless email from an underpaid student  in department from a university.  Fuck.

I’ve spent the past 200+ days putting together effort to get accepted into “Renewable Energy Management”.  It seemed so ideal, an interesting topic, an idea I could believe in, realistic skills to learn, in English, in my town in Germany, part-time.  It was all lined up except I was 10 years older than most applicants, had the wrong degree (Psychology instead of an engineering degree) and possibly American. I’m not sure, but this is what I thought.  It’s an international program where not being German was a plus.  However, probably many of the 250 applications that came from foreigners were from Americans.  There were most definitely more qualified Americans than me for that position but what if they accepted someone from Cambodia instead?  Or Bolivia?  Or Finland?  Diversity is key for them, and perhaps I was more qualified than some but…

It’s over.  There is nothing I can do about it.  Acceptance of the situation as it is.  That little sentence is one of the hardest things in the world to do, and probably it’s a certain percentage of Acceptance and no one is 100%.  Even Buddha would have been 99.9%, ya know?  I like to think about 75-80 percent Acceptance rate.  Some things in my life I probably look at more like I don’t really want to know or understand, they’re small things but I like to have a bit of fantasy in my life. 🙂

So I accept things as they are with regards to this particular topic.  I was rejected from two programs.  I will not be doing a masters program starting this fall.  Ok.

What does this mean?

1)I have a long ass day of work tomorrow, 5 classes in 4 different locations, 3 of the locations are within 1 km of each other but the 3rd/4th classes are a 25-minute train ride away.

2)I have to get through the next 2.5 months without fucking up my life/lifestyle.  The next month will hopefully easier because of the World Cup which will give me some cover not being so on top of it.  Ok.

3)It also means that I can go home to California for Xmas earlier, but even more importantly, that I’ll be home for my dad’s 60th birthday which is really cool.

4)It also means I can travel somewhere in February 2011, 3 weeks possibly.

5)It also means I will do my damndest to travel 100 days again next year, that will be the 7th year in a row.  I still have to get to that this year but now that I can go home for Xmas earlier which should put me over the top.

6)Next summer I am going to do something epic.  I don’t know yet what it is but here are some possibilities:

  • volunteer somewhere like Namibia for a month and then travel around that area for one month
  • get a job for Aug/Sep somewhere else in the world, with teaching like Brasil or Thailand or Portugal, teach english there or something new, though going somewhere that speaks Spanish may be good so I can communicate with the people, OR I’ll go somewhere partially to learn a new language.
  • rent a room somewhere for two months, and write a book.
  • develop an idea for a book, having to do with travel and try and sell it and then do the trip.
  • travel for two months, through Asia or Africa, or even a big Europe trip, using some flights to cover huge areas like the Atlantic coast of Europe and also SE Europe

7)I will work on a coffeetable book of photography.

8)I will edit The Newropean and decide whether to self-publish or send it to twenty publishers.

9)I am going to do a photo exhibition here in early August.

You see?  My life is not over, it’s just going to test my attitude that it’s all good and I’m doing good.  I’ve gotten almost everything I’ve wanted (except women) in the past 7+ years and so it’s been easy for me to have this attitude.  Now I’ll be tested and see if I can overcome.  How should I overcome?  I’m already near the top…

I’m going back to watching Brasil/North Korea World Cup soccer.  Go back to living your lives.

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