Cocooned and then…

Tuesday 5.10pm

Just spent the last half hour practicing (2 of) my (3) conga drums that I lugged individually as check-ins for separate intercontinental flights.  My life is not normal.  Practicing to Poncho Sanchez’s epic album “Chile Con Soul”.  It’s a clinic for percussion and quite humbling to say the least, not to mention damn good music too.

I have approximately 3 days and change to turn in two applications for different master’s programs here in my town, both in English (or it wouldn’t be possible) and I’ve met a couple of people who did or are doing one of the programs and it’s been helpful and constructive.  I actually feel like I might have a chance to get into one of the programs but I don’t want to get my hopes up any more than they are.  It’s also been humbling taking a real chance in life, applying for something that not everyone gets accepted into.  We do this less as we get older, or I’ve become so comfortable in my life I felt little need to challenge myself.  I thank F- for getting my soul off its ass and maybe take it to the next level.  Here I am, less than two weeks before my 36th birthday applying for two different master’s programs in the Federal Republic of Germany.  Whocoodanode?

I’ve lost about 12 kg in the past 4 months.  It’s been a lot of effort and discipline along with occasionally going past the boundaries because i was going past the boundaries of effort and discipline but then again why am I justifying myself?  I think part of it is that I have become more humble in the past few months.  I have accepted the world more or less as it is without thinking too much about the bad stuff that’s happening everyday.  And I accept the end of my last relationship, I had become complacent or something but it was still a shock to me.  That is humbling.

All this humbling has cocooned me in various ways.  I have been going out a lot the past few months, 3-4 nights/week, meeting people, catching a buzz, causing a small ruckus with friend, but I’ve been cocooned at the same time, having (subconscious) difficulty being a full part of the group, as if looking at myself from the outside, how I must be perceived and how I am fitting in. It’s a weird feeling thinking about fitting in.  I don’t mean it like a teenager but I see it more like suddenly I’m living a faster lifestyle and having trouble keeping up with them, but I’m still making a good effort of it as I was saying.

I’ve literally spent a good portion of my room time in the hammock.  Being suspended in the area and with the hammock going more than half around me like, you guessed it, a cocoon.

I’m cocooned in a situation out of my hands, waiting for reference letters to include in my applications.  One is in the mail, two i have to pick up but cannot confirm they’ve been written yet.  These are delicate situations.

I want to be stressed about it all but I find myself just doing enough plus 5% to keep my life going more or less in a steady direction. I haven’t written the past two weeks but we have to admire my moxie for continuing on. hahahah Seriously, I’ve been spending way more money than I should lately for various reasons, part of which I might/will be tighten my belt this fall whether i’m in school or not and of course going out costs money and i was in California and spent a lot of money having a great 3-week holiday.

My next trip is getting close, 10 days away.  i’ve already packed. I’m concerned about Ryan Air’s carry-on policy and I’m a habitually carrier-on because it’s quicker and with Ryan Air cheaper and I like the convenience of being in control of all my things at all times. I’ve already had the experiences in life watching your bag being shifted onto another bus without absolute clear instructions that’s your bus, it’s good to have it with me.  It reduces me from bringing more stuff which is good and bad, but maybe, because it’s my birthday at midnight and I might be travelling on a bus with some people. I should bring some booze with me possibly…Hmm, it costs 15 euros to check a bag, i’m a little worried about the connection time from the airport in Osijek, Croatia to get to the bus station by 6pm at the latest for a bus to Slavonski Brod where somehow (don’t know yet) am then gonna cross the border into Bosnia and hope/plan there’s a bus there to take me the rest of the way to Banja Luka, Bosnia.  With luck I could get there at 11.15pm, just 45 minutes before my birthday starts.  That’s the best case scenario.  Worst case is getting only to a middle place, staying there for the night and making a big splash in one town as i’m drinking in a bar at midnight telling everyone it’s my birthday.  Wow, that might be a good idea. Hmmm

Congas, writing, photography, travel, these are/were/have been some of the cornerstones of my spiritual life and i’m so glad to see that for the first time in awhile, they’re all there at one time.  I will try and do a Bosnia exhibition in California this summer, that’s a good idea.  But the thing is, I gotta go there, take the pictures, get them back and develop them and get them digitalized and find some money and a place before we can get ahead of ourselves. 🙂

I decided today that the first week of August I was gonna go somewhere new.  Bulgaria perhaps? Malta? Tunisia? Or I’ll do a pauschal reise which means flight, hotel, breakfast and dinner are paid for and there are variations thereof, but that could be fun with a buddy but most of buddies here are in relationships or too crazy to go to like Teneriffe for a week or something. haha

I’ll fill ya in when I know more or rather, my heads fully emerges so you can get pictures of it.


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