Assiyeah gave my roommate a letter to give it to me to read when my trip today began. Naturally I had to read it immediately. It contained very few clues actually, just the following:

1)We’d grown apart.
2)She loved me more like a friend now.
3)She didn’t break up with me for the guy.

It took her five pages to boil it down to that. I couldn’t sleep tonight because I was just thinking that that was it, that was her final attempt to explain why she allowed our love to die and end a five-year relationship without talking to me or anyone about it. Super.

So I got up at 4am and wrote her a letter back. I’m not sure what it’s going to prove but it just so she could see that I could have handled that shit face to face months ago. She said, thanks for not getting mad, when she told me that something had been going on with that other guy for awhile and I wrote her and said you could have told me that on my birthday and that’s how I would have reacted. I know that shit happens and people do stupid stuff but her being honest on that day back in May might have been the best birthday present she could have given me even though it would have been painful. I was willing to make the relationship work. I told her we had two different relationships from our parents to use as examples. Hers, which were married/together many years and when it got dull her father found another woman and is living that life now and you have mine, who have been married 35 years and I’m sure it hasn’t always been easy but they’ve tried.

Assiyeah and I never “tried” at our relationship. We just let it cruise along and for awhile I thought that was one of the best parts of it. When one of those two people began thinking that it’s not working as well as it could have or the feelings change, well that’s the one Achilles’ heel to the relationship. Her letter didn’t actually help clear anything up. It just made me feel more frustrated that these two, very normal things could have been worked on together and made into an even better relationship. As it is now, who knows? I am off to the States for the first time in almost 7 months. This is the beginning of a busy next 10 weeks, I’m curious to see how it will all go down. Please god, please, put some nice, relatively easy women in my way as I scuttle around the States for a month!

I gotta shower, it’s going to be 23 hours of travel and I don’t wanna be that guy who stinks on the plane…


One Response to 5.03am

  1. Howard Brodsly says:

    My thoughts and prayers will be with you as you travel…give your folks a hug from me

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